This Christmas is different. I’m smiling less. There is a heaviness in my heart. This year has been a hard one for me, and it has lasted right up until the last couple of weeks. As a result, Christmas doesn’t really feel like Christmas to me. Several years ago I began to acknowledge openly in our December worship services that not everyone experiences the “magic” of Christmas. For some, this time of year brings sadness, whether it is from mourning the loss of a loved one, or perhaps from a rough season in life. Just because it’s Christmas does not mean that all the pain of humanity simply vanishes. While in years past I have had to put forth some effort to identify with those who are struggling, this year I am experiencing it myself.
I find that I’m faced with choices. I can choose to ignore how I feel and numb the pain with things that are empty. I can pretend I’m fine by putting on a smile and hoping others don’t see through the facade (I’m not good at hiding my feelings so this would be an epic fail). I can redirect by focusing on the good things that are still present in my life. I can remind myself that others are going through things that seem much worse than what I am facing.
The problem with all of these potential choices is, they are an attempt to deny what I’m actually going through. Choosing any of these paths will lead me to keeping God at a distance, rather than being real with Him and allowing Him to be present with me in my time of need. That isn’t how meaningful relationships work, and that certainly isn’t the kind of relationship God wants with me.
In Christianity there still exists a teaching that emotions are dangerous. There are warnings against making “emotional decisions” because emotions cannot be trusted. I understand this and agree that allowing our human emotions to control us can lead us to make choices that are contrary to God’s ways and face the inevitable consequences of those decisions. But denying our emotions can also lead us to make choices that don’t line up with God’s ways.
I am learning a different way. God created us, and His genius design includes our emotions. Like every other aspect of our being, our emotions were corrupted when sin entered into the world. So, like every other aspect of our being, we must bring our emotions into the light of God’s love. King David showed us what this looks like as he poured out his heart to God in many of the Psalms. And Jesus himself quoted one such psalm (Psalm 22) as he cried out on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” If Jesus – the very Son of God – told his Father exactly how he felt in his greatest moment of emotional anguish, it stands to reason that we should do the same. Neither David nor Jesus ended with this very raw cry. David went on to write how he would continually turn to God, and Jesus gave up his spirit to God as he completed his redemptive work.
God created us, and His genius design includes our emotions.
Let us bring our emotions to our loving Heavenly Father. Let us tell Him exactly how we feel, allow Him to help us process these emotions and then seek His wisdom in what we need to do with them. I am still learning this practice, and it is taking time because I am working to break habits that have formed over the course of a lifetime. So far, I can tell that I am healthier spiritually and emotionally, even though I continue to experience feelings of discouragement, sadness and even some anxiety. I’m more mindful of bringing these emotions to the Lord and He meets me where I am. I’ve also seen how He is using His Word, His people and His creation to ease the pain in my heart. It still doesn’t feel like Christmas, and there’s a chance it’s not going to this year. I think I’m ok with that. Even the first Christmas wasn’t perfect, though it perfectly in line with God’s plan.
I no longer expect perfect moments in this life. Instead, I work to acknowledge the imperfection of this present world and my own humanity, and anticipate the perfect future that awaits me when this life is done. I will walk by faith, not by sight … until my faith becomes sight.
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! (2 Corinthians 4:16–17)
Dan Londeree 